Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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