you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
