I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
