So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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