my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
