Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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