he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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