They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
