I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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