omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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