I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
