I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
