walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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