How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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