a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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