I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
