a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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