My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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