so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
