things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
