she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
