i will never coherently bang her
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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