I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
