take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
