before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
