did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
