When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
