i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
