I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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