also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
