Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
