i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
