After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
