youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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