You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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