We need to rekindle our bromance
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
