i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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