I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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