i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
