Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
