I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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