I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
