I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
