listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We're too hungover to prance.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
