Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my poor anus
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
