I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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