i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
