i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My vagina just recognized that song.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
