you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
