Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
