I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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